Bing and Brotherhood

My wonderful wife enlightens and enriches my life in so many ways. For example, her love of movie classics has exposed me the Alfred Hitchcock's, Grace Kelly's, and Clark Gable's of the world. Before her I didn't know that movies existed before Star Wars.

Anyways, as is our Christmas tradition we always set aside a quiet night for hot chocolate and a viewing of the 1954 Irving Berlin/Bing Crosby classic, "White Christmas". It is pitch perfect in its message and a healthy holiday alternative to those degenerates, myself included, who typically get their holiday fix off of "Christmas Vacation."

One of the most moving scenes is when Bing and his partner, Danny Kaye, decide to throw a surprise Christmas Eve show at the struggling ski lodge of their old General. The pair, both highly successful, went above and beyond the call of duty in supporting an old friend whom they had not seen in years. Theirs was a bond that was forged in the battle of Monte Cassino, one that wasn't to be broken easily. It was an exceptionally touching moment and it got me thinking about the type of friend I am.

I think that it is safe to say that we live in a pretty superficial time. Most of our friends are mere acquaintances and most of our gestures are nothing more then passing greetings. I can almost see a spectrum that depicts all of our friendships on a scale of commitment and importance. It would probably look something like this.

1. The other guy in your department: He is nothing more then someone with whom your work or church calling forces you to associate with. He gets nothing more then a fleeting hello in the elevator.
   
2. Facebook Friend: Maybe someone more important to you, at the very least because he or she boosts your friend tally on the site. You might make a passing effort to feign interest and Facebook has multiple apps and ways to do so.
3. Christmas Card Friend: This one requires a least minimal effort and shows that your friendship a minimum phone call to get an address. The list narrows down greatly at this point.
4. I'll drive out of state to your wedding Friend: This friend is invested and it shows through deeds and actions. This is a much smaller group but it is safe to say that there is a mutual affection and dedication within it.
5. I'll take time out of my busy schedule and throw a gathering on your behalf because life is hard friend: This type of friend, as depicted by Bing and Danny, is one in a million and is usually forged by extreme conditions like war or four years of subhuman living conditions at college. These are friends through thick and thin and they embody the full meaning of charity as it pertains to the friendship.
   

Watch the movie. If you have any kind of heart it will get you thinking about what kind of friend you are to those around you. I think I've got a long journey ahead of me as I strive to better serve my friends. Thanks Bing.

Good Humor (Not the Ice Cream Treat)

I like to laugh. I enjoy religion. Ergo, I'm utterly fascinated at the high percentage of Jews that dominate the comedy scene. I guess it shouldn't be too surprising...they've had like 3,000 years to work on their jokes.

We Mormons, on the other hand, are mere babes when it comes to humor. We are still learning how to laugh at ourselves and there are too many cultural taboos that prevent any significant jocular investigation. The result is typically some kind of cultural introspection in the form of something like Singles Ward. I don't need a PhD from the USC School of Film to declare that everything up to this point has been a mixed bag at best. There have been some efforts, to varying degrees of success, that look into the culture and poke fun. But there have been far fewer successful attempts that have looked at the wider world through a humorous Mormon lens.

The following blog,Don't Do Dumb Things, is one of those rare exceptions. The site isn't overtly Mormon but it does a fabulous job of looking at a variety of subjects from a perspective you can relate to. The Bell brothers are in top form and I am taking this unsolicited chance to invite all 7 of my regular readers to drop by for a chuckle.

A time to be thankful

During this time of year I am often reminded of a scene from one of my favorite movies, Joe Versus the Volcano. In this movie Joe, played by Tom Hanks, undergoes some life changing events. For many years he lived a boring and meaningless life. Then right as he is about to experience his “mid life” crisis he receives news that he has a mysterious brain cloud and that he only has six months to live.

A wealthy industrialist finds out about his condition and gives him an offer. “Live like a king, die like a man”. He will give Joe all the money and pleasures of life for six months if Joe will agree to jump into a volcano on a remote island in the Pacific. Joe agrees and spends the next several weeks living well and examining his life.

Eventually he must fulfill his end of the bargain and he takes a yacht down to the island. Along the way a ferocious hurricane comes and sinks his ship. Joe is stranded at sea for several days floating aimlessly on his luggage. It is this part of the movie that has the beautiful scene that I remember vividly.

Joe is desperate. He hasn’t eaten or had water for a couple of days. He has absolutely nothing and no real prospects for getting out of the ocean alive. His skin is blistered from the heat. He is wondering what he is doing. Just as he is about ready to give in the sun sets. A big, full moon rises from the dark ocean. At that moment the beautiful moon gave him pause and he said the following line. “Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life.”

Why does this scene mean so much to me, especially this time of year? Thanksgiving and Christmas is typically the time that we stop to count everything that we are thankful for. It is the time when stop worrying about what we don’t have and we can be thankful for all of the things that we do have.

We have wonderful families. We are able to get a great education. We live in a time where so much possibility is at our finger tips. Our lives are so full. Let’s spend a few moments during this time of year to remember and be grateful for all of those good things in our lives.

Sea Wolf: October 30th, 2009 at Modified Arts

Music is a wonderful maize that provides a different meaning and path for each individual. Over the course of a week we experienced two completely different roadways on our quest for musical satisfaction. Last week it was 65,000 people and the pomp and circumstance of U2 at the University of Phoenix. Last night it was 150 people packed into the little box called Modified Arts for an intimate no thrills set with some of the best offerings from the land of Indie rock. Two completely different approaches, two different ends of the spectrum....but they both succeeded in providing us with a great live experience.



Sara Lov- Silky smooth vocals, earnest and soulful lyrics, and a great crowd presence. Unable to bring her band she made due with the next best thing, a vinyl recording of them providing the backing tracks. Close your eyes and let her voice take you places. Download "New York" and you'll see what I mean. Of all the performers she had the best stage presence and charisma. As far as opening acts go, she was top notch.

Port O'Brien- My first impression of the band when they took the stage was "did these guys take a semester off from the University of Alabama to tour?" Their lead singer, Van Pierszalowski, looked exactly like a southern frat boy and their sound has a definite feel of southern rock to it. The fact that they've received some pretty high praise from M. Ward ensured that I wasn't going to pass on them. Their sound was Neil Young with the youthful energy of the aforementioned southern frat boy. As their set progressed my initial impression warmed and their sound seemed to have more texture and depth. Their set was the pinnacle from a primal energy stand point. Another great supporting act and another album that we will have to purchase.

Sea Wolf- After about an hour and a half their moment came. Despite numb feet from standing for so long the show was memorable. The band sounded much tighter then I was expecting and their songs were more upbeat and loud then their album versions. Most of the set was devoted to their new album that I'm still warming to. But their early classic "Made a resolution" was the rousing crowd pleaser and the highlight of the evening. Mr. Church has an incredible ability to create some great hooks out of simple chords and to make each song an intimate and rich short story. I was glad to see them in a setting like this because I think that the inclusion of their music in the Twilight soundtrack could signal the impetus that brings them to the pop mainstream.

All in all a great evening. We definitely felt a little out of our league given that 90% of the audience was fresh out of 4th Period English. But good music is good music and good music reaches people. Whether it's an 18 year high school senior whose life revolves around the Velvet Underground or someone, like myself, whose life has increased responsibilities and pulls. We can all come together and find a certain amount of joy, meaning, context, and rest in a well crafted song. Luckily for us tonight there were three bands who fit the bill.

On location with the Three Amigos

We all have our favorite movies. We feel a special connection to the characters, the story, and even the location or setting of the movie. We want to be apart of the story. One of the easiest ways to do so is to find and visit the location that these movies were filmed. A couple of years ago Jodi and I visited the location of the famous Bluth Banana Stand at Marina Del Rey. Last week we decided to take advantage of the visit of Dan and Conner to make our pilgrimage to Old Tucson studio, where a good portion of Three Amigos was filmed.

The setting is spectacular. This is the old west that we grew up watching...mainly because so many old westerns were filmed here. We pulled up to the venerable studio with high expectations. We wanted to literally walk in the foot steps of Lucky, Dusty, and Ned. We were somewhat disappointed. First, the studio does a pretty poor job of capturing the great history of the place. For the most part the visitors are left trying to piece together scenes the were filmed there. Second, the great fire of 1995 destroyed a lot sets, including several used in the filming of the Three Amigos.

Fortunately we found a tour that was headed up by a man who has spent decades there and has even been an extra in several movies. His memories of John Wayne, James Stewart, Clint Eastwood and others was absolutely lucid. The studio needs to make sure that they get all of those stories recorded for posterity. He was involved in the Three Amigos and here are some insights that he shared.

• Scenes filmed at Old Tucson included: The Village with the Bar and El Guapo's fortress. The Village of Santo Poco was likely filmed in California but it wasn't confirmed.
• The fire of 95' destroyed several sets used in the movie, including the bar that gave us the beloved rendition of "Little Buttercup".
• The fortress of El Guapo was built specifically for the movie and was built a small distance to the Northwest of the studio. As such it fell into disrepair after the movie and was often broken into. Because of that the whole set was destroyed 4 or 5 years after the movie. Such a tragedy!
• The only real visible and tangible evidence of the movie is the church (different now), one series of buildings, a piece of El Guapo's place, and the desert landscape.

Here are a few pictures.

The tubman 601 flying over the village. (It was a male plane, right?)

How that looks today.
What remains of El Guapo's fortress
The church in the movie (slightly different)

Dan and Conner in front of where the El Guapo set was

Men Win Football Games

We are just over halfway through the College Football season and I've already decided to check out on BYU football. Once again sky high promises were not kept and unreal expectations hit the cold icy reality of what this team is....a decent, but not great, football team. No rose colored articles from the ever delusional Dick Harmon, no reality averting always positive remarks from Bronco Mendenhall, and no stupid slogans can give this team the needed grit to actually win a game that matters.

Here's my big beef with BYU football. They show up small in big games. By big games I mean games in which both teams have something to play for. Sure we can sneak up on Oklahoma but they obviously underestimated us. Our victories over TCU and Utah have come when they (Utah and TCU) both had nothing to play for. Our humiliating defeats have come when they both (Utah and TCU) had something to play for.

Here are my armchair observations of why we won't be a top flight team. These aren't small deficiencies and require much more then some fine tuning. We will be destined for mediocrity until we can solve these problems.

• Speed: Let's face it white kids from Pleasant Grove aren't running 4.3 40's. They might be smart, team players but that doesn't cover up their obvious skill deficiencies. Our Honor Code prevents us from recruiting these speed guys.
• Offensive Play calling: I'm sure that Robert Anae is a great guy and makes a wonderful home teacher but our play calling is predictable and doesn't adjust to our circumstances. Just look at how dynamic TCU was when they dismantled our defense seven different ways. We didn't have an offensive gameplan that effectively countered their pass rush. The only thing offensive about our play calling was how "offensive" it was.
• Mentality: Maybe the Mormon culture just doesn't allow for a killer instinct that separates the winners from the pretenders. I think too many players and staff use this as an excuse. They can justify losing by saying that football is just not a priority compared to God, Family, and Education. I don't argue with the priorities but I also don't feel that they are mutually exclusive. Nobody on this team has attitude, leadership, or the drive to demand that others step up. This "we've got more important matters in our lives" also permeates the fan base to help justify the BYU losses to "Ute" Fan. I declare that you can have a "Killer Instinct" and still be a worthy member of the Church.
  
• Legacy Players: The bottom half of the BYU roster is filled with Covey's, Mendenhall's, Edward's, and Lamb's....all products of past BYU players, coaches, and benefactors. The problem is that none of them are real contributors. Why don't we free up their roster spots for more worthy players. We know that we could use the depth.

I could continue but the bottom line is that we are pansies and don't show up for big games. We haven't shown any real heart. We are incredibly outcoached. We complain about a lack of respect and then we get the some media light on our program we let TCU and old man Bowden take us to task in our own stadium. The whole program should be embarrassed. No amount of excuses or silver linings or learning experiences are allowed. We've used them for far too long. It is now time to actually back up your stupid slogans.

U2 under a desert sky

A U2 concert is so many different things to so many different people on so many different levels. To the casual fan of music this band represents the one of the best live performances around. On the other end of the spectrum is the true blue fan. To this group, and it is a huge group, a U2 show is a spiritual mecca that can only be experienced when you've reached out and touched Bono's hand in person. I started out as the latter and as I've aged my devotion to the band has diminished somewhat. But that still does not mean that I am no longer moved by them.

My enthusiasm for the concert was tempered somewhat. The new album, "No Line On the Horizon" just hasn't had the staying power that past works have had. And since I've already heard all of the classics several times through past tours (Zoo TV, Elevation, Vertigo) I wasn't particularly keen on having to put up with the new stuff. But that changed when I convinced my brother and his son to come down. This was to be their first show and so my missionary zeal came back. I always love sharing this band with over people.

After a splendid day with the family we made our way over to University of Phoenix stadium in Glendale. The stadium itself is great but it has quickly picked up a reputation as a below average place to hear a concert. That was my primary gripe. The sound seemed a little muffled at time. My big consolation was that in talking to people who attended the Rolling Stones concert last year this sound seemed like listening through some Bose earphones in comparison. The other gripe was with the crowd. My section did its part but the intensity of the overall stadium was pretty weak in comparison to my past U2 experiences. I've seen the boys in several different cities and Phoenix has always come in short. You would think that with their long history with the band that the crowd would be more involved. Anyways...

#1 Highlight- One followed by Amazing Grace followed by Streets. No better 10 minutes in all of Rock and Roll.
#2 Highlight- The remix version of "Crazy" that mixed some of the Pop dance club fusion with the sense of optimism of the song. I loved watching an intense Larry Mullen Jr. march around the stage with his bongos. I always love the chance to hear a song reinvented.
#1 Lowlight- "No Line on the Horizon". I think that the song is pretty good but when played after an incredible acoustic version of "Stuck in a Moment" it just killed some great momentum. They had just reeled off three classics and then they moved into this. You crowd went from ecstatic to bored in an instant.

Bono is the consummate showman. He could charm a dead snake. These guys have conquered the rock and roll world but their effort never wanes. The crowd wasn't all there tonight but that didn't affect their performance. U2 doesn't do halfhearted.

Of the six U2 shows I've been to I would probably rank this #5. The setting, sound, and new material brought it down a bit. But that ranking doesn't look so bad when you consider that of the 50 or show concerts/music festivals I've attended each of those U2 concerts is in my top 10. On a bad night U2 is still better than 95% of everything else.

Immigration and role reversal

This recent LA Times article does a great job of uncovering a dynamic within the immigration debate that the average layperson usually doesn't see. I think it provides some interesting context to the Mexican position on the continued immigration discussion.

The last several decades have seen a huge swelling of immigration from Latin America, specifically Mexico. Any look at the numbers will reveal this. The Mexican government has fought for Rights of immigrants living in the United States and it tacitly, scratch that openly, approves of this illegal and unchecked northern exodus. For a blatant example view this guide that the government published to help immigrants on their journey north. From the perspective of the government, immigration relieves a measure of burden in providing for the needs of a vastly impoverished citizenry.

Keep that in mind when you read about the plight of immigrants from sub-Mexican Central America as they cross Mexico en route to a better life in America. Do I smell hypocrisy? Mexican's have a wretched history of treating these immigrants worse then the treatment that Mexican immigrants receive in America. As a missionary in Texas I met many Salvadorians or Hondurans who were far more scared of being caught by the border patrol. They weren't afraid of being caught, they were mortified of the treatment that they would receive at the hands of the Mexican's once they were dumped at the other side of the border. I've also lived in various parts of Mexico and it doesn't take long before you realize the presence of a very tangible racism that occurs between the different ethnicity groups that comprise that nation. Let's just say that the majority of the indigenous Hispanics that make up the illegal population in the U.S. are also treated like the dregs of society in Mexico as well.

I agree that everyone should be treated with a certain level of dignity, regardless of whether or not they broke the laws to get here. But next time someone from Mexico decries the treatment of illegal immigrants in the U.S. they ought to look back at their own country in shame. For their paisanos are doing a much worse job with the way they are treating their immigrant neighbors from the Honduras or Nicaragua.

Happy Hour for Mormons

We Mormons have a somewhat paradoxical relationship when it comes to dietary habits and eating out. We love to trumpet the healthy results of living sober and tobacco free but point us in the direction of the nearest chuck-wagon buffet and watch us go to town on the stronganoff or meaty casserole. I think that's why certain restaurants resonate within the Latter-Day community. We devour the portions and the faux "upscale" dining experience of the Cheesecake Factory. We dive into the healthy portions of sweet pork at the Cafe Rio. We'll double up the double-double at the In-And Out. In short, we like our food, we like it in family sized portions, and we like it cheap.

Let me make a recommendation to all of you folks within the covenant. This suggestion marries the value that you crave with some tasty meals that you covet. It might require that you step outside of your meat and potato comfort zone. It will force you to leave the suburban ease of the nearest Chil's in favor of the more urban cosmopolitan haunts. But here it is. Drive into downtown and sample the happy hour cuisine of one of the local restaurants.

Happy Hour?

Yessir, you got it right. Look beyond the traditional connotation associated with the word and think with me. After I make my case you should agree with me that this is a rich culinary vein that has not really been mined by the Mormon community. Here is the simple dining formula.

1. Opportunity to try great new food at fancy new restaurants.
2. Opportunity to get that food at exceptional prices.
3. Get it all done early so that you don't need to pay much for your babysitter.
4. Wonderful opportunity for you to observe the debauchery "great and spacious" world that you can use for future Sunday School lessons.

Case in point. Jodi and I recently went to Trader Vic's in the upscale, boutique part of Scottsdale. On a typical night you would expect to pay between $30 and $60 per person. Great food, yes. But not worth the hassle when you've got to put three kids through little league soccer and Applebee's is running their "Two for $20" promotion. Enter Happy Hour. We dine at 6pm and we eat Duck, Gourmet Burger, Virgin MaiTai, and Hummus all for $18. That's how you eat.

So every week you try a new place. You get some incredible dishes. You broaden your horizons. And since you don't drink you end up getting some great deals.

Olive and Ivy is our current favorite place. Take a look at the top of menu. Now picture all of those great dishes and appetizers at $3-$8 a pop. Now we're talking.

So go ahead. Take the drive downtown. Try some fancy new dishes. Live it up. Consider it a missionary experience....no consider it a wonderful opportunity to broaden the sensibilities of your under worked palates.

Am I Man?

Despite the changing times we live in a society that has pretty well established gender roles and expectations. Irregardless of whether or not you feel that the glass ceiling has been broken there is still a pretty strong consensus towards what is expected of each gender. Why all this babble about gender? Because Football season has started and I am beginning to question my ability to hold up the mantle as a "man".

Sure I love sports. I love women. I like cars. I grow body hair. But am I man as defined by the expectations of U.S. male culture? I believe that there are several characteristics that we expect of our men and I'm not sure that I pass muster. If I were to make a checklist of these expectations it would probably read something like this.

1. Golf: As men age and their abilities to play real sports diminishes it is expected that they take up golf and immerse themselves in its culture. This includes planning trips around golf courses, talking about things like "Big Bertha", wearing hideously boring golf shirts, and considering golf the de facto activity at every guys only events. I'm sorry but I'm more willing to shave my chest then to pay tributes to altar of golf.
   
2. Ability to quote from certain movies: Men are expected to emulate the tough guy images that hollywood gives us. It starts when we are boys with Han Solo and slowly matures to characters like Dirty Harry and whatever the heck John Wayne was in. And then to prove our manlihood we are expected to quote extensively from these movies that have come to define American Masculinity. "Godfather" anyone? Good movie, yes....but gatekeeper to the inner sanctum of manhood, hardly. I'm also expected to know every line uttered by Al Pacino, especially his so seminally violent work, "Scarface". Yes I've seen several movies by John Wayne and yes I think that James Stewart was a better actor and role model.
3. Meat/beer: Evidently the food pyramid doesn't apply to the man's man. It looks more like a hot dog. He is expected to eat meat in all of its glorious forms and beer is his trusted liquid companion. He is expected to ridicule those weak souls who give into such idiocy as balanced diets. On this one I will have to blame my religion. My adherence to its doctrine has singlehandedly weakened my case in becoming a real man. (Authors Note: My sobriety in no way prevents me from enjoying some of the better beer related commercials, especially those provided by the Dos Equis guy.)
4. Calendar Girls: A real man grew up with images of Kathy Ireland and Farrah Fawcett on their walls and has become indoctrinated in breasts and bums. Sure I am attracted to those things as well but my inability to become fixated on those things probably keeps me out of the man club. I have no desire to subscribe to Maxim despite of the fact that they have "good articles".
   
5. Cars: Of course I like cars. But a real man is expected to love cars. I should know how many pistons are under my hood. I am expected to drool when I see a finely tuned Italian or American muscle car drive by. Since I only like and don't love cars I suppose that I suck as a man.
6. Low Brow Humor: As a true man there a certain set of expectations when it comes to what I should find funny. I am supposed to make fun of the more cerebral comedies such as "Arrested Development" in favor of the more base works of people like Adam Sandler or Tim Allen. There is no need to think when there are still so many new ways to spin a fart, boob, or vomit joke. There are some actors/movies that straddle the fence....think Will Farrell. But a man's man will prefer his work in "Old School" and ignorantly overlook the genius exuded in "Anchorman".

Are there any other critical hallmarks of a real man? Did I miss anything. As this list illustrates the standard for manliness is set pretty high and many a male has failed in trying to live up to these lofty standards.

Doing Dallas in Style

I have a great group of friends but we all would be the first to admit that we come up far short when it comes to guy trips. Well we've made an effort to remedy this problem and our recent Dallas trip was the latest try.

The BYU - Oklahoma game was the impetus for the trip. While it was the reason for mobilizing us it wasn't the "reason" if you know what I mean. In all honesty, outside of Cody, we weren't expecting much of a game. If we made a priority list of the weekend it would have went something like this:

1. Be with friends
2. Paintball
3. Eat much meat
4. Visit Cowboys Stadium
5. Six Flags
6. Dealey Plaza and the Grassy Knoll to postulate alternative JFK assassination theories
   
7. Massages
8. BYU-Oklahoma Game
9. Put up with flights that connect in multiple cities

The weekend leading up to Saturday Night was excellent. The agenda was full. Thursday was movie (GI Joe to boot), BBQ, massage, steakhouse, and Ryan B losing the game he proposed (credit card roulette) and footing a $200 bill for 4 people. Friday the rest of the group arrived and we passed time with paintball, basketball, pool, JFK, and more BBQ. Saturday leading up to the game was spent at Six Flags. Mormons don't know how to tailgate but we sure know how to amuse our selves. I'm willing to bet that half of the BYU contingency spent their morning there. We lasted a couple of hours before nausea forced us back to the hotel.

And then the game....

The stadium absolutely lives up to the hype. Other then a few quibbles the place is an absolute shrine to the football gods. Everything is bigger, better, and shinier then any other stadium you've visited. That awe is soon replaced with fear as you are engulfed in a sea of Sooner red. Dallas is just down the road from Norman and we were introduced to "big boy" college football. We were still dumbfounded by the atmosphere when the kick off came. The atmosphere was electric....it was College Football energy in a luxurious NFL setting.

And then we showed up to play. Going into the game we were expecting 44-24 Sooners. By the end of the 1st Quarter it was confidence in covering the spread. By the end of the half we started to think upset. By the end of the third quarter those feelings started to form into a solid confidence. The Sooner fan base is amongst the most rabid in all of college sports and we heard them at their most loud and their most subdued. We executed the "right" game plan to near perfection. I will be the first to admit that the Sooners are probably the better and more talented team. They failed in exploiting some mistakes and some holes in our defense. But the courageous efforts of an underdog is what makes College Football what it is. BYU has tightened the noose around the neck of the status quo fools running the BCS.

After the game all we wanted to do was revel in the moment and run to the nearest sports bar to watch endless highlights of the game. We all wanted to hear if this win validated the program in the minds of the national press. En route to the sports bar we were congratulated by throngs of Sooner fans. They were absolutely classy given the circumstances. I have a new found respect for their fan base and hope they recover and run the table in the Big 12.

So in short, the game that got us together exceeded our expectations to the wildest degree. We came to catch up with friends with little realistic expectations for a victory. The game itself was the most exquisite cherry on top of an absolutely tasty weekend. My heart goes out to the true blue Cougar fans that didn't make the trip. You will be very, very hard pressed to find a BYU moment that surpasses what we experienced down at the Palace that Jerry built.

Our harsh "Reality"

That last entry got me thinking about how Reality TV has accelerated the decline of television. It is a virus that is slowly corrupting our culture and turning it into an endless stream of checkout counter tabloids. The pessimist would decry this filth. I'm somewhat of an optimist. Since it is unlikely that our voyeuristic culture will ever turn on "Reality" I have to come up with a way to profit from this genre. If I can't fight'em, might as well write for them.

Here are a few show ideas...

1. Battle of the Religions- This is so obvious and can go in so many different directions that I'm surprised that there already aren't a handful of shows out there that are trying to capitalize on the fact that almost the entire planet believes in one religion or the other. And it would have the ultimate prize. The rest of the planet would have to convert to the religion of the victor.
   
2. Penning for Jesus- Do you ever get amused by the pithy and creative statements on the marquee of your local community church? This show will appeal to the religious right and will feature competitions in order to discover who can come up with the best traffic stopping statements.
   
3. Day Labor Wars- The Hispanic population continues to boom but there is not a reality show that acknowledges this growth. This show will be a virtual iron man that will force contestants to perform such challenges as advanced palm trimming, how to stand out in the local Home Depot parking lot, and practical survival while having no legal identity.
   
4. Pinewood Derby: The truth behind the Blue Ribbon- A candid look at the no-holds barred competition that takes place in this annual fathers and son ritual. Values and social decorum will be cast aside all in the name of collecting the blue ribbon.
   
5. Penalty Kicks- America's search for the all-American mom. A panel of judges will put a group of soccer moms through a grueling set of tests in order to find the perfect soccer mom. Such tasks will be minivan obstacle course, extreme budget grocery shopping, and creative casserole presentation.
   

As our culture continues its downward spiral isn't it only appropriate that we help hasten its decline? This little exercise proves that there are still plenty of great reality show ideas waiting to earn networks "cheap" ratings.

Randomizer Volume IV Series V

Because I continue to have thoughts....most of them random.

• I am reading some Aristotle right now and am intrigued by his thoughts regarding the middle class. Bear with me and see if his comments resonate with our current environment. He argued that a middle class was essential to a proper government. Those who possessed moderate income lacked the arrogance of the rich and the envy of the poor. Furthermore they didn't have "so much property" that they spent their time in leisure nor did they rely on the state for support. Because of this they would "ask the law should rule them." Right now it appears that America is losing it's productive "Middle Class". I agree with Aristotle that this is a very bad thing.

• I watched the US-Mexico soccer game a couple of weeks ago and I am sort of glad that they lost. A US victory probably would have resulted in death, carnage, and revolution down there. This is the one thing that the Mexicans have over us and over the last 10 years it has been steadily slipping away. This article by Bill Simmons does a great job of illustrating Mexico's unhealthy relationship with a bunch of short guys who kick a soccer ball around a patch of grass.

• It has been about 10 years since America was introduced to Survivor and other reality shows. As someone who tries to maintain a certain level of standards I thought that the rest of the nation was like minded and that this trend would end after Joe Millionaire. I was wrong and it looks like I will have to continue to weather the storm. One positive side effect is that it effectively reduces the amount of time that I watch TV. At the rate at which these shows proliferate I predict that everyone in the US, myself included, will have been featured on a reality program by the end of 2033.
  
  

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Gentlemen Broncos

After a lengthy gestation period it appears the third Jared Hess picture is finally due out. Here's to unleashing the creative force that is Ronald Chevalier.

In search of the modern day Pyrrhic victories

I love history. There's much to be gained by studying the feats and failures of past generations. And I've learned that history gets better, or perhaps more exaggerated, with age. Most of my studies center around the Classical eras of Greece and Rome and I'm currently reading something about the Republican era of Rome. There is much from this era that can be applied to the USA but I want to focus this entry on one statement made by one man, King Pyrrhus.

The scene is set during the mid-Republic in southern Italy. Rome is expanding and assimilating land once occupied by Greeks, Latins, and Etruscans. Southern Italy has been Greek owned and they are trying to hold their land. King Pyrrhus is in charge of repelling the Roman onslaught and, to the casual observer he appeared to be doing so. Even though he was technically winning battles he was losing the war. After one such victory he stated that "one more such victory would utterly undo him". Historians remember this statement and situation as a "Pyrrhic Victory" or a victory that ultimately will do more harm than good.

Let's step back into the present day and attempt to apply this term to what we are currently seeing around us. Are we able to see actions and policies that seem like victories but that will ultimately lead to defeat? Do we see people that create victories for themselves that ultimately unravel the bigger whole?

Here are a few things that I could think of....

• Wall Street- We are flooded with examples from Wall Street illustrating actions that benefited a select few while pillaging the general public. Bernie Madoff may have had a few years of astronomical profit for himself but he ultimately destroyed the wealth of everyone around him, causing far more harm then any good or earnings he ever created. Self interest is an important component of a free market but Wall Street has been courting the far more dangerous greed to horrible results. My recent entry regarding Goldman Sachs discusses the overwhelming tendency of these financial firms to act in a manner that brings themselves incredible earnings at the expense of the greater economy.
• Politics- Government has been transformed into an ATM machine for special interests. Lobbyists and Pork Barrel projects are classic examples of political actions stepping into "Pyrrhic" territory. These politicians are focused on their individual parts or interests to the degree that the whole is less then the sum of its parts. There is a definite get in, get mine, and get out attitude in DC. Take the time to track government spending back to its roots and you can see the greedy dance that takes place between Congress and the special interests that buy their votes. This blog is one among many that highlights some of the most egregious examples.
  
• Sports- Baseball has done a superb job of providing exhibit #1 for "Pyrrhic" victories. Steroids gave great numbers and a temporary boost in excitement for the sport but once the syringe hit the fan the sport has become illegitimate and runs the risk of permanently loosing its status as our preferred pastime. Performance enhancing drugs do a great job of providing short term gains at the expense of long term health and viability.
  

Unfortunately we see hundreds of examples in present day society where we are sacrificing our long term health for short term gain. Any time that someone artificially inflates profits in order to get a bigger bonus they are jeopardizing the bigger picture. For each congressman who takes a kickback in exchange for a key vote they are just kicking the crap out of the morals that built this country. Every time we let greed, self interest, or selfishness determine our actions we tear apart the fabric that serves as the binding force that keeps our communities healthy and functioning. Remember that the whole should be greater then the sum of its parts....sometimes we need remind ourselves and our actions of that truth.

Because of heat

Ones loyalty to Phoenix comes into question every time this year. The memories of a 72 degree afternoon in January are all but melted away by the suffocating heat as you sweat your way home in triple digit weather. The fact that July set all kinds of heat records has really put my devotion in question.

To cope with the heat you learn to value the myriad weekend getaways that are an hour or two out of town. It's nice to know that the rest of Arizona isn't a fiery furnace.

This weekend getaway took us through Pine and Camp Verde en route to Montezuma's Castle and Well. Who knew he had both. Both are just outside of Sedona and they provided a nice, cooler change of scenery. They provided a nice understated alternative to the valley. Top off an evening at one of our famed Indian Casinos, Cliff Castle, and you've got a four star weekend.

Montezuma's Well, in particular, offered a placid and quiet place to just relax. It isn't too far off the 17 and a couple of hours there can really clear your head. It doesn't offer anything spectacular on the surface but once you settle in you find that your thoughts flow as freely as the water out of the ancient well.

Celebrity Exile: The liberation from stupidity

You can't avoid them. They peer at you from the grocery store check out line. They self pontificate on TV. They are ubiquitous. And you wonder how the heck they ever got the attention and how the heck can we rid ourselves of them. They are the lot of celebrity leeches that do not seem to have any real skills other then an uncanny knack for finding a camera. You don't mind hearing about Brad Pitt, Bono, or Obama on TV....they have actual talent. But these guys? I'd like to wrap these people up in a big ball and drop them off on the farthest reaches of Sakha or somewhere equally remote.

Here are the first people I'd like to wad up....

• That Montag couple- The only time that I ever hear about these two is when TMZ is on, not a good sign. So, evidently they are celebrities because they live in the right place, look pretty, and are willing to debase themselves as long as it's on film. They embody the vacuous celebrity culture that is so many people love to gawk at.
  
• Octomom/Plus 8 Jon and Kate- Unlike the Montags, at least these guys have something worth parading in front of the TV...their kids. Any parent who depends on their children for their livelihood or sense of self worth is no parent indeed. I don't think they mind that we are laughing at them so long as our laughter and attention leads to their checking account.
  
• Al Sharpton- I'm sure that many years ago this man was a great crusader for the oppressed now the only thing he seems to be crusading for is another interview with anyone with a camera. The great irony is that he has probably done more to strain race relations then anyone of the last couple of decades.
  
• Keith Olbherman/Sean Hannity- We are a very divided country at the moment and a big reason for the divide are the demagogues of hate like the two mentioned above. Hey guys, I'm more interested in solutions then in for reasons why the other guys are stupid.
• Nancy Pelosi- Here is someone clearly blinded by the shine of power. She and her leadership have taken an already unpopular congress and put it in the basement of American opinion. I think she is more enamored with her own personal airtime than actually trying to forge a workable solution for the Union.
  

US Soccer: Still not ready for primetime?

Coming off the heels of the stunning win over Spain and the Confederations Cup, US Soccer looked poise to grab the attention of the average American fan. You see our sports hours are already spread pretty thin between the major sports such as Football, Basketball, Baseball, and even Hockey. The victory marked one of the rare occasions that Soccer trumped these sports in the headlines.

Granted the tournament was played when basketball and football are on break and baseball is in the middle of the summer swoon but irregardless it was the number one news story. The average Joe was captivated by the play and his allegiance was ready for the taking. His attention was ripe for US Soccer to pick and to add to their small but growing fan base. The Gold Cup was the next event but that would feature the B Team as little was at stake. All eyes were drawn to the big match up with hated rival Mexico down in Mexico City on August 12th. Sports radio and even ESPN took notice of the import of this game and we prepared to do battle with an increased and attentive audience.

And then the predictable happened....

Just when it seemed that US Soccer was poised to turn the corner it was discovered that the game would not be televised on any of the major television stations. The new and growing audience will have no where decent to turn to watch this game. The US Soccer team could win the game but it will do so without the support of the millions of tepid fans that were beginning to warm up to the program. We will have the option of watching it online or on one of the Spanish language stations but how many casual fans will go to the effort?

So instead of gathering the friends together for pizza and intense soccer we will probably watch preseason football or catch up on a pennant race. The game might be great but it will probably only be watched by the same meager crowd that has staunchly supported this team despite of general apathy nationwide. A huge opportunity squandered by whoever is supposed to be bring US Soccer to the mainstream.

Maybe we still aren't ready for the nationwide debut. The performance today against Mexico might prove so. We are in the final in New York and our bleached blond squad got manhandled by the Tri. Our stadium was dominated by Red, White, and Green not Red, White, and Blue. Just further evidence that soccer has a long ways to go before we can really capture the imagination and attention of the US.

Change isn't going to happen over night. Eventually we will warm up to this sport. But US Soccer squandered a big opportunity to turn up the heat by not insuring that the big US-Mexico match was in easy reach of a huge audience that was prepared to give it a closer look. Until they get more assertive with their promotion of the sport it will continue to languish along the fringes with the likes of bowling, curling, and fencing. Badminton, anyone?

Goldman Sucks?

The news and our neighborhoods continue to be littered with stories of unemployment, foreclosure, and uncertainty. So it came came as complete surprise when I recently read about Goldman Sachs having an incredible quarter and being poised to pay its employees $18 billion in bonuses and other compensation. Wait???? Weren't banks and speculators primary players in the recent crash? What???? Weren't these same banks and speculators the same people who were reeling and receiving government TARP funds just a few short months ago?

On the surface this seems downright evil.....evil in a greedy villain from a James Bond movie sort of way. And after reading this extraordinary piece by Matt Taibbi in the Rolling Stone my populist impulses were directing me to the nearest hardware store for a pitchfork and torch. Now I normally don't buy into this leftist crap and I normally don't buy into conspiracy theories involving uber powerful greedy, global cabals but the article was so detailed and researched.

These accusations were so incredible that you would think that, if true, they would strike a powerful chord within the American mainstream and that we could demand real change. I started with the Goldman Annual report from 2008 in search of answers. I see wild swings in profitability and cash and it all looks odd. I read more pieces from the New York Times and CNN and my blood really starts to boil. I delve deeper by reading the blog of a man who is trying to shed some public light on their deeds and who Goldman is trying to shut down. I read some counter pieces that defend Goldman from being behind the creation of the bubbles (Tech, Mortgage, Commodities, and soon- Environmental caps) but don't do much in making a defense against the claim that they deliberately profited from the expansion and destruction of those bubbles.

This is going to take a few days to really get my head around. Is this evidence of unbridled greed that needs to be reigned in for the sake of the better overall good? Is this evidence that capitalism is working again? Is it both? I plan to read arguments on both sides.

In the meantime here is what I don't understand. These bankers don't necessarily create value, they throw money behind the people who do. They're not building sky scrapers, they're not creating new innovative products, they are not growing the crops that feed our families. They just seem to gain insane profits by profiting from those who do. These investment banks don't do anything other then control the flow of vast amounts of capital and the levers on which money moves. They create fancy derivatives and securities that profit off of the comings and goings of real tangible value.

And they create incredible wealth and power for themselves. I remember at BYU when it came time for the Career Fair. The biggest lines were always for the investment banks and consulting firms. Like the pied piper they would lure away throngs of smart and ambitious grads with stories of untold wealth. There was a mention of 80 hour work weeks and the fact that you would sacrifice your first 5 or 8 years for the benefit of your career. But once you paid your dues you would have enough money to buy a golden chariot for you and your family....given that your family was still in tact after 8 years of spending every waking hour with the bank and not many moments with them.

Do I seem pretty biased at the moment? Yes. Can that change? Yes. I'm all for free markets and capitalism. But right now my gut is telling me that what some of these banks have been doing these past several years doesn't jibe with the brand of capitalism that made America the force that it once was. My head is telling me that the environment that they fostered did more to destroy value within our economy then to create it.

Time and research will tell. But in the meantime this has the makings of an incredible conspiracy theory.

California and Karma

We just returned from another great weekend visiting Jodi's family in San Diego and the OC. It got me thinking that these folks and their fancy beaches and great weather have it too easy. But then I remembered the horrible malaise that this state is in and I felt a little better. Karma has its own special way of sorting things out and making things equal.

California is a great big giant stew that mixes in the best and worst of humanity. The cost of living is insane and the government has become insane in the way that it has run the state and its budget. But then the Beach Boys music starts to play and you are whisked away in visions of California Cuisine ocean side and served at dusk. This strange duality has inspired me to create a top 5/ low 5 list of the best and worst of the Golden State.

Top 5

1. Ground zero for the great and entertaining struggle between the salacious hordes of paparazzi and the privacy of the idiots that we have anointed as our celebrities.
2. Incredible coastline that spans the whole state and features some of the most mild and attractive weather this side of Kolob. (I'm assuming that Kolob has pretty sweet weather)
3. A veritable potpourri of sites, sounds, and attractions for every taste.
4. Its great history of being a breeding ground for some of the great innovations, cultural and otherwise, of the "American Century".
5. Disneyland.
   

Low 5

1. See #1 in "Top 5"
2. The absolute demolition of the middle class at the hands of special interests, excessively high cost of living, and declining public education.
3. Something needs to be said about a populace that elects Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, and Arnold. You guys want competent people running your government, right? This place is a great place for shouting idealogues.
   
4. Its sordid history of being a breeding ground for some of the worst innovations, cultural and otherwise, of the "American Century" and the present.
   
5. Its ridicously superficial relationship with the Lakers.
   

My beef with US Soccer

It's becoming a ritual that takes place every 3-4 years. They tempt us. They show brief moments of brilliance. They show just enough skin to grab our attention. And then once they have it, like the elusive belly dancer, they wriggle away leaving us unfulfilled. That's how I feel about US Soccer.

Here is what I am sick of when it comes to our relationship with our soccer team.

• Moral Victories
• Inconsistent Play
• Talking about being on the cusp of legitimacy and then getting spanked by Trinidad and Tobago.

I like soccer. I root for the US. But I've rooted for the US long enough not to be fooled by brief moments of greatness like the victory over Spain last week. In 1994 we grabbed the attention of the world by beating Colombia in our World Cup. That was followed up by in fighting and a horrible 98' showing. We then beat Brazil and start to make a major push for the 2002 cup. We beat Portugal and slap around our Mexican neighbors. We announce that we are now fixtures on the world scene. And then we disappear again. In 2006 we get manhandled in Europe. Up through last week we struggle through lesser competition and get shellacked by Italy and Brazil. And then comes Spain and our heroic first half in the finals in the Brazilian rematch. The interest from the casual fan has been rekindled again leading into the 2010 World Cup. Will we be burned again?

This is my beef with US Soccer. It is a roller coaster that goes up and down. Every sporadic and great outing is followed up by mediocrity and under performance. We will never be taken seriously until we can consistently show up against the big boys. That doesn't mean well orchestrated first halves in which we surprise a sleepy Brazilian squad. It means going toe to toe with the world class squads on their fields, on their terms, and on a consistent basis. We can't rely on surprising teams because they are now aware that we can be dangerous. We are now being called out into the open.

Like me, there are legions of potential fans who are waiting for a consistent showing. Our time is limited and in order for you to convince us to turn attention away from Football, BBQ's and Golf to soccer you need to prove to us that you are more then an occasional mirage. We've been burned too many times but we are willing to support a team that has guts, heart, effort, and talent. You proved that you have it against Spain. You demonstrated those same qualities for a half against Brazil. Now go out there and harness this momentum into South Africa next year. Get us past the first round next year and you should be able to win us over and keep us on your side.

We have talent. We have a pretty good coach. We are have a budding reputation. We have some young building blocks. It's time to take these pieces and build something that this great nation can be proud of. We will be there for you...but only when you can consistently prove that you will be there for us.

The simple and tasty joys of gardening

As one ages he seeks out simple pleasures. This spring I sought this bliss in the form of a garden. To date we have harvested tomatoes, basil, cilantro, onion, beans, and eggplant. I have derived the greatest joy from discovering the exotic possibilities that can be unleashed with the great purple eggplant. I even got a nice purple shirt to commemorate my new love affair with this ancient, oriental vegetable.


Here's to pastoral living.

Michael Jackson: The last of the superstars?

It was a surreal day indeed. I was still loopy from the nitrous oxide and was leaving the dentist. Groggily I checked my twitter and was greeted with news, or rather rumors, that Jackson had passed away. It would be close to an hour before the news would move from the rumor of a gossip sites to fact confirmed by the major news outlets. It was truly on of those universal "where were you when this happened" moments that was shared by us all.

With the death of Michael Jackson comes the potential end of the mega star; the type of celebrity that crossed all barriers and held universal acclaim. We live in an age of niches and it is most likely impossible for someone to have huge mass appeal. It's just too hard to control all of the various media channels that things like the internet and cable TV have spawned. For example, MJ has been mourned by everyone from Hugo Chavez to the entire nation of Korea. Does any other living human being have the power to generate that kind of global response?

His passing begs the question as to whether or not there are any true superstars remaining and, if so, who they are. The list of likely candidates is short indeed. I can only think of a worthy few who are able to dominate every headline and be recognized by everyone from my mom to the kid in rural Kenya.

• Tiger Woods- He's just a golfer right? Well because of him the rest of the non-golf world is now acquainted with and is paying attention to this sport. Not only that but his celebrity spans beyond golf into the wider popular culture through video games and his army of endorsement deals.
  
• Michael Jordan- The first and preeminent global sports superstar. Besides MJ he might be the only living African American who is universally recognized throughout the globe. His persona paved the way for someone like Woods and his reach also covered movies, the Air Jordan brand, and music.
  
• Obama- President Obama is quickly becoming a global phenomenon. His position as leader of the free world has granted him incredible access to the world and his polished persona hopeful demeanor has endeared him to a lot of them. While it is unlikely that a politican is able to obtain superstar status he's got a certain media driven sex appeal that can put him in the argument.
  
• Madonna- Michael's only true counterweight during the last great mass media decade, the 1980's. She was the other artist who capitalized on MTV and other media to cement her place in our collective conscience. Like MJ her career has had its share of accolades, controversy, and eccentricities.
  
• Bono- He has a certain ubiquitous presence that is felt far beyond the stage. His work as an activist, writer, and businessman has put him in some elite and powerful company that is typically beyond the reach of your bread and butter celebrity. But in this rarefied air he might be a little out of his league.
  
• Paul McCartney- He's a Beatle, what more needs to be said. Since then he has been able to keep a presence in the public eye. His death would probably be the only one capable of generating a kind of response that would rival Jackson's.

I can't think of many more people that have that kind of global presence. There are plenty of television and movie stars but I don't know that any of the living stars could carry this kind of global audience. The ones with the true mass appeal have all passed on. It's just too hard these days to harness every nook and cranny of the public's attention.

Beyond Cool

Three legends, three very distinct sounds, one heck of a documentary.