Am I Man?

Despite the changing times we live in a society that has pretty well established gender roles and expectations. Irregardless of whether or not you feel that the glass ceiling has been broken there is still a pretty strong consensus towards what is expected of each gender. Why all this babble about gender? Because Football season has started and I am beginning to question my ability to hold up the mantle as a "man".

Sure I love sports. I love women. I like cars. I grow body hair. But am I man as defined by the expectations of U.S. male culture? I believe that there are several characteristics that we expect of our men and I'm not sure that I pass muster. If I were to make a checklist of these expectations it would probably read something like this.

1. Golf: As men age and their abilities to play real sports diminishes it is expected that they take up golf and immerse themselves in its culture. This includes planning trips around golf courses, talking about things like "Big Bertha", wearing hideously boring golf shirts, and considering golf the de facto activity at every guys only events. I'm sorry but I'm more willing to shave my chest then to pay tributes to altar of golf.
   
2. Ability to quote from certain movies: Men are expected to emulate the tough guy images that hollywood gives us. It starts when we are boys with Han Solo and slowly matures to characters like Dirty Harry and whatever the heck John Wayne was in. And then to prove our manlihood we are expected to quote extensively from these movies that have come to define American Masculinity. "Godfather" anyone? Good movie, yes....but gatekeeper to the inner sanctum of manhood, hardly. I'm also expected to know every line uttered by Al Pacino, especially his so seminally violent work, "Scarface". Yes I've seen several movies by John Wayne and yes I think that James Stewart was a better actor and role model.
3. Meat/beer: Evidently the food pyramid doesn't apply to the man's man. It looks more like a hot dog. He is expected to eat meat in all of its glorious forms and beer is his trusted liquid companion. He is expected to ridicule those weak souls who give into such idiocy as balanced diets. On this one I will have to blame my religion. My adherence to its doctrine has singlehandedly weakened my case in becoming a real man. (Authors Note: My sobriety in no way prevents me from enjoying some of the better beer related commercials, especially those provided by the Dos Equis guy.)
4. Calendar Girls: A real man grew up with images of Kathy Ireland and Farrah Fawcett on their walls and has become indoctrinated in breasts and bums. Sure I am attracted to those things as well but my inability to become fixated on those things probably keeps me out of the man club. I have no desire to subscribe to Maxim despite of the fact that they have "good articles".
   
5. Cars: Of course I like cars. But a real man is expected to love cars. I should know how many pistons are under my hood. I am expected to drool when I see a finely tuned Italian or American muscle car drive by. Since I only like and don't love cars I suppose that I suck as a man.
6. Low Brow Humor: As a true man there a certain set of expectations when it comes to what I should find funny. I am supposed to make fun of the more cerebral comedies such as "Arrested Development" in favor of the more base works of people like Adam Sandler or Tim Allen. There is no need to think when there are still so many new ways to spin a fart, boob, or vomit joke. There are some actors/movies that straddle the fence....think Will Farrell. But a man's man will prefer his work in "Old School" and ignorantly overlook the genius exuded in "Anchorman".

Are there any other critical hallmarks of a real man? Did I miss anything. As this list illustrates the standard for manliness is set pretty high and many a male has failed in trying to live up to these lofty standards.

Doing Dallas in Style

I have a great group of friends but we all would be the first to admit that we come up far short when it comes to guy trips. Well we've made an effort to remedy this problem and our recent Dallas trip was the latest try.

The BYU - Oklahoma game was the impetus for the trip. While it was the reason for mobilizing us it wasn't the "reason" if you know what I mean. In all honesty, outside of Cody, we weren't expecting much of a game. If we made a priority list of the weekend it would have went something like this:

1. Be with friends
2. Paintball
3. Eat much meat
4. Visit Cowboys Stadium
5. Six Flags
6. Dealey Plaza and the Grassy Knoll to postulate alternative JFK assassination theories
   
7. Massages
8. BYU-Oklahoma Game
9. Put up with flights that connect in multiple cities

The weekend leading up to Saturday Night was excellent. The agenda was full. Thursday was movie (GI Joe to boot), BBQ, massage, steakhouse, and Ryan B losing the game he proposed (credit card roulette) and footing a $200 bill for 4 people. Friday the rest of the group arrived and we passed time with paintball, basketball, pool, JFK, and more BBQ. Saturday leading up to the game was spent at Six Flags. Mormons don't know how to tailgate but we sure know how to amuse our selves. I'm willing to bet that half of the BYU contingency spent their morning there. We lasted a couple of hours before nausea forced us back to the hotel.

And then the game....

The stadium absolutely lives up to the hype. Other then a few quibbles the place is an absolute shrine to the football gods. Everything is bigger, better, and shinier then any other stadium you've visited. That awe is soon replaced with fear as you are engulfed in a sea of Sooner red. Dallas is just down the road from Norman and we were introduced to "big boy" college football. We were still dumbfounded by the atmosphere when the kick off came. The atmosphere was electric....it was College Football energy in a luxurious NFL setting.

And then we showed up to play. Going into the game we were expecting 44-24 Sooners. By the end of the 1st Quarter it was confidence in covering the spread. By the end of the half we started to think upset. By the end of the third quarter those feelings started to form into a solid confidence. The Sooner fan base is amongst the most rabid in all of college sports and we heard them at their most loud and their most subdued. We executed the "right" game plan to near perfection. I will be the first to admit that the Sooners are probably the better and more talented team. They failed in exploiting some mistakes and some holes in our defense. But the courageous efforts of an underdog is what makes College Football what it is. BYU has tightened the noose around the neck of the status quo fools running the BCS.

After the game all we wanted to do was revel in the moment and run to the nearest sports bar to watch endless highlights of the game. We all wanted to hear if this win validated the program in the minds of the national press. En route to the sports bar we were congratulated by throngs of Sooner fans. They were absolutely classy given the circumstances. I have a new found respect for their fan base and hope they recover and run the table in the Big 12.

So in short, the game that got us together exceeded our expectations to the wildest degree. We came to catch up with friends with little realistic expectations for a victory. The game itself was the most exquisite cherry on top of an absolutely tasty weekend. My heart goes out to the true blue Cougar fans that didn't make the trip. You will be very, very hard pressed to find a BYU moment that surpasses what we experienced down at the Palace that Jerry built.