Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The First annual under appreciated list

Let's face it, everyone loves lists. They engender animated discussions. They cause dissent. If I am casually watching TV and I see a promo for the 100 most beloved dogs in cinema history, I will probably watch. I don't know why, but we are drawn to them. So here is my list ....

The 2007 Ryan Jensen list of things that are overlooked and under appreciated
  1. Comedy Movies- (The Cable Guy) This dark comedy that features the acting talents of Jim Carey and an under appreciated Matthew Broderick. It was written by Ben Stiller, who at the time was full of some very fresh ideas. It also showcased performances by then "unknowns" Jack Black and Owen Wilson. Completely overlooked. An honorable mention goes to Anchorman for giving us some of Will Farrell's finest moments. The movie was lacking in parts but there were some completely memorable one-liners. I had no idea what San Diego meant in German.
  2. TV program- (CBS Sunday Morning) This is my chance to feel like I am a cultured and sophisticated part of society. This, PBS, and NPR are often my only chance to stay abreast of what is going on in areas outside of news, gossip, and sports. It is so refreshing to wake and not be greeted by politicians who berate one another.
  3. Music- (Oingo Boingo) I think that the mainstream success of such 80's hits as "Dead Man's Party" and "Weird Science" obscured the far better material in the Boingo anthology. They were fresh, they were pure energy, their lyrics were quirky and envelope pushing. We enjoy your musical scores Mr. Elfman, but we sorely miss your rock sensibilities.
  4. Song- (Made Up Love song #43- Guillemots) This is an absolutely sparkling love song that carries a heartfelt and carefree frivolity. It just sounds so pure and innocent. A great song that deserves recognition.
  5. Virtue- (Fidelity) We live in an age where no respects the commitments they've made to one another. As one who has been personally affected by infidelity I can speak very strongly to the fact that it is a lost virtue.
  6. Super Hero- (Green Lantern) Hats off to a dude who has to save civilization and fight bad guys with only a lamp. That takes true courage.
  7. Candy- (Toblerone) While this candy might be considered a higher end specialty treat, I say that it deserves a place amongst the everyday bar. It does a perfect job of balancing the delicate ratio between creaminess and crunchiness.
  8. Actor- (Don Cheadle) Just take a look at the roles that he has played over the last decade. He has moved seamlessly from comedy to drama and everything in between.
  9. Beatles Song- (Two of Us) Such a simple and pure song that seems to reflect the joys of friendship during a time when the Lennon-McCartney partnership was coming to a close.
  10. Clothing- (Cargo Pants) The male answer to the Capri pant. It is versatile, comfortable, and its ability to hold excess items is legendary.

This is just a start. Maybe I will post more later. Maybe you can post a few items that you don't feel get the necessary recognition.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Flight of my Fancy

I’ll be the first to admit that there has been a void in my life ever since Fox prematurely pulled the plug on Arrested Development last year. That was the type of show that only comes around once every 3 or 4 years. It was my reason for watching TV, ray of laughter to bring sunshine to my otherwise monotonous life.
With its departure I pretty much accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to receive satisfaction from the TV for at least 2 years. There just isn’t anything to get excited about. Sure there are decent shows like “Office”, “30 Rock”, “Ali G” and “Scrubs” but they just didn’t have the same ability to get me into an excited conversation at the water cooler. I resigned myself to the fact that the few hours spent watching TV a week would be spent experiencing only moderate joy.
So I gave up a lot of TV (something that is fairly easy when you only have 4 channels) and I engaged in other pursuits. I wrote songs. I read books. I became more social. I took up photography. I even learned to knit….ok it didn’t go that fair. Well you get my point. TV just wasn’t the same.

That all changed three weeks ago.

I was in a casual conversation with a friend when he mentioned a great new show on HBO that he was watching called “Flight of the Conchords”. Knowing that great TV is hard to come by I let his recommendation fly in one ear and out the next. The next day on the radio my favorite personality put in a huge plug for the same program. Two endorsements from two trusted sources within 24 hours. Maybe there was hope. The deal was sealed no less the 14 hours later when we were having dinner with a couple from our neighborhood. Not more then 15 minutes into the conversation the husband brought it up. I was now committed to giving this show a chance. He was ready to share and already had a burned copy of the first 4 episodes for my viewing pleasure.
I have to admit that it took a couple of viewings before I truly got the hang of the brand of humor. It is the dead pan stuff that really resonates with the young, educated crowd to which I belong. The humor isn’t exceptionally complex but it has appeal to the refined senses.
Now there will never be a replacement for “Arrested Development”. I am fine with that. But I have also realized that there is more then one way to generate a laugh. From what I have seen of this show I strongly believe that it has the potential to be the “it” comedy for the foreseeable future. Hats off to my two new favorite Kiwi’s, Bret and Jemaine.

For the ignorant, here is the link- http://www.hbo.com/conchords/

Monday, July 23, 2007

Observations from a drug screen

I recently decided that I needed to invest in my community by doing some service. I wanted something out of the typical realm found in church. After a little bit of research I selected the Washington Street Foundation. (http://www.wsfkids.org)

I recently met the kid I will be tutoring and he is top notch. He is in fifth grade and has an incredible zeal for life. This should be a rewarding experience indeed. But before things begin I must pass through a few things to ensure that I am not crazy. One of those things was submitting to a drug test. Here are a few observations from my recent visit.

  • All in all it seems like a simple task, right? Pee in a cup and then have some dude in a lab coat look at and confirm that I haven't been smoking doobies or something.
  • Like any vestige of the Health Care industry there was a boring waiting room, a crowd, and a long wait. The only thing that made this scene slightly different was the sight of 15 grown men gulping down water and coffee in hopes of preventing stage fright once their time came to deposit their speciman.
  • I camped into my seat and scanned the coffee table for a magazine. My options were either." Deciding that I wasn't that desperate I decided to read over the shoulder of the gentleman next to me who was reading the sports page.
  • After 20 minutes I was summoned to the front. I was surprised that things were moving so quickly. That amazement was soon extinguished as the real reason for the summons was revealed. I needed to sign a new battery of forms. After 20 more minutes I was called up again. Yep, more papers to sign. All this for a little pee?
  • By now the room is really full and no one has been summoned. And to my amazement, no one is surprised or complaining. We've just come to expect this kind of inefficiency.
  • After an hour I was finally called. I was sent back with a lady nurse who asked me to empty my pockets. In a robotic and monotone manner she walked me through the drill. I had 4 minutes to take care of my business.

After 90 minutes my routine task was finally completed. I went about my about my daily routine. Sometimes it takes a crowded and long morning in a smelly waiting room to recognize how grateful you are that the rest of your life runs efficiently.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Secret. What secret?

We were recently swimming at the house of a friend of a friend. The house was fairly nice and we were soon escorted around. I’ve learned that people really love to show off their toys and prized possessions; I don’t mind obliging. My favorite spot to visit is typically the office or study. It gives me some interested insights into the true nature of the inhabitants.

This place was no exception. It didn’t take long at all before I was able to get a solid read. The place was littered with the latest “self-help”, “get rich”, and diet books that currently were flooding the market. The types of books that teach you how to look great, make a ton of money, and influence people…that sort of thing. And much to my unsurprised a copy of “The Secret” (www.thesecret.tv) held a central spot along the sparsely populated bookshelf.

Next to the copy of the book was a bulletin board. The board was covered in several pictures. What were they? There was a big picture of a BMW. There was a picture of a very physically attractive female. There was a large mansion that looked like it would have fit in right off of Sunset Blvd. And then there was a homemade check for $1,000,000 that was made out to the owner of the house.

Once again this didn’t surprise. A year ago the only place that you could find a copy of “The Secret” was in a new age book store. Now it is a best seller and can be found anywhere from a grocery store to a Costco. The premise of the book is so simple that it is baffling. The “Law of Attraction” has been a closely guarded secret throughout the ages and is responsible for the success of the leading figures in history. It has only recently been publicly available.
What is this law and what does it teach? Basically, keep a positive attitude. Think positive and you will attractive good things. The same goes with bad thoughts. The big example used in the book and DVD is something like this. Wake up in the morning and believe that you are a millionaire. These consistent thoughts will attract money to you. Do you understand the mass appeal now?

I can’t help but draw a correlation but this book and the whole Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) culture. Both talk about an easy and attainable path towards finding happiness. I’m certainly not against the desire for improvement. But I do have a hard time with claims of grandeur and then vague descriptions on how to attain it.

I definitely believe in fulfillment and thinking positive. I don’t know anyone who isn’t. But I am against the notion of a quick buck because I don’t think that it’s realistic. I can dream all I want of having the perfect house and body but nothing will happen until I draw up a specific plan and then actually get off my canal to achieve it.

This book is successful because it taps into the essence of our culture. We all want the good life but we want the easiest road to it. Our vision of the good life is incredibly shallow and our idea of how to get it is way too lazy and unrealistic.

Whoa….I just noticed that I was standing on a soapbox. That’s enough preaching for one night. I’ve got to run over to the car dealership and drool over the new BMW 540.

Monday, July 16, 2007

The rediscovery of Ryan

I’m currently in between work right now. This presents a great opportunity to take advantage of hobbies and pursuits that typically get left behind by bills, work, and daily crap. As it currently stands I have about 1 ½ days a week that I don’t have to devote to grown up, responsible activities. Here are some of my latest endeavors.

· Kundalini Yoga- I like to discover things that are off the beaten path. The Sikh temple that occupies my neighborhood is one such place. The local Sikh community is somewhat interesting in that half off it comprises the real, turbaned Sikhs from India and the other half is a group of bohemian hippies who have latched on to the teachings. This dynamic is pretty interesting and makes for some great yoga. I typically go once or twice a week and I find that it supplements regular exercise very well. (http://www.yogaphoenix.com/) Plus I get to be taught by cool cats like Sevak. (Pictured left)
· Scientology fun- I like to seek out things that are somewhat new and different. This keeps things fresh and helps me be somewhat informed and objective. Scientology has been constantly hacked from the media; I am interested to see if it is warranted. This week I intend to take a 45 minute personality test at the local offices. I really have no idea what this lead other then a chance to take a peak at a religion that inspired John Travolta to make one of the worst pieces of cinema in the last 20 years. If anything the experience will make for some interesting dinner conversation.
· Photography- I recently purchased a Canon Rebel and taking photos has never been the same. Phoenix is full of nice day trips that provide many get back drops from which to test my burgeoning skills. I have taken a somewhat artistic approach and prefer landscape and architecture as my primary subjects. You can visit http://picasaweb.google.com/ronifer to view some of my recent stuff.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Why do I love the Phoenix Library?

I have a few friends who question my regular habit of getting work done at the local library. They insist that there are weird people there and that it’s too noisy or crowded to get things done. My retort is simple and straightforward. By getting out of the house it formalizes whatever work I was pursuing and I get free internet. Plus, where else am I going to have the opportunity to be harassed by a deranged man while reading.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

My own Bluth Boy Adventure
(But minus the other boy and with a girl friend)

We recently found ourselves in Southern California again. We were staying just outside of Laguna Beach, minutes away from the Bluth residence. (For the novice and ignorant: The Bluth family are the key protoganists in the best television program of the last 10 years- Arrested Development) We had a little time to kill so I decided that we needed to get a frozen banana.
It only took us 10 minutes to find out that the show wasn’t filmed in Orange County, where it is supposedly set. It was rather filmed in the more economical and convenient location of Marina del Rey and Culver City, just west of LA. What the heck, let’s make the trip.

The easiest spot to visit would be where the banana stand was located. According the the flirty lady at the Marina del Rey information booth it was at fishermans wharf. Sure enough, she was right. We went over there, took some shots, and talked to a few people who were around during the shooting.

The visit was great but it still hasn’t filled the void created when the show left the air over a year ago. I have all three seasons on DVD but it sucks not knowing that there won’t be anything fresh, I was particularly hoping to see who would go with Lucille to Mother Boy XXXI. Nonetheless it was a good run and in closing I will include a few favorite lines from the series. Feel free to post a few of your own.





Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio. Spanish actor: Como? Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.

--
Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason? George Sr.: First time. Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second. George Sr.: I got the worst [bleep] George Sr.: -ing attorneys.

--
Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground. George Sr.: There was money in that banana stand. Michael: Well, it's all gone now. George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand. Michael: What? George Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said... [strangles Michael] George Sr.: [yells] There is money... in... the banana stand. Prison guard: [George Sr. quickly takes his hands off Michael] No Touching. George Sr.: No touching. Prison guard: No touching.

--
Steve Holt: I've made a huge mistake. Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt. I can't hide from it any more. Steve Holt: I won't forget this... Dad. Gob: [swallows roofie] I will. I will.

--
Narrator: In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet. [Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family] Gob: [as Franklin] Can I tell you something, my man? Gob: [as himself] Sure, Franklin. Gob: [as Franklin] You are one cool [bleep] Gob: . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar. [the puppet 'kisses' Lucille] George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard. [strangles Franklin] Gob: [as Franklin] What's the matter with you? Gob: [in the present] Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act? Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

--
Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"? George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But I don't really want to eat it. Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"? George Michael Bluth: Yeah... I can see myself marinating a chicken in that...

--
Buster: Mom is becoming a little controlling. Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again? Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there. Michael: You baited the balcony? Lucille Bluth: Prove it.

--
Lucille Bluth: Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out? Gob: She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.

--
Michael: [discussing evidence that links George Sr. to Saddam Hussein] If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it? George Sr.: Well, Saddam owed us money. Michael: And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay? George Sr.: Your mom had a good feeling about him.

--
Lindsay Funke: Barry, did you talk to a doctor? Barry Zuckerkorn: I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that? [Cut to a shot of a rest area] Lucille Bluth: She was talking about George. Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets. [Cut to a shot of the rest area]

--
George Michael Bluth: Don't you always say "family first"? Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family. Okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay. George Michael Bluth: She's not my real aunt? Michael: Not her real nose. Got a picture of her when she was 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

--
Lucille: Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward. Buster: A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS? [holds out a stuffed seal] Lucille: What the hell is that? Buster: These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Getting our red lights turned on






The Police (Dodger Stadium)

June 23rd, 2007

Ever since the Police announced their reunion tour in February I toyed with the idea of seeing them live. Their music left a big mark on my teenage years and I was always told that they generated a great energy live. The deal was sealed when my very persausive friend held out some good tickets in front of my face. Not one to turn down a good concert, nor a chance to be with friends; I decided to go. After all, this could be the only time that I ever get a chance to hear "Invisible Sun" live.
So I set out with three life long friends to the sunny and mild clime (relative to Phoenix) of Southern California. We would spend the day at the beach and then pass the evening at the concert. Our expectations weren't too high; the real treat was listening to the songs with the same kids that made them special to me.
The evening didn't get started with the band that we'd hoped. That can be blamed on the bumper to bumper gridlock that we were subjected to for about two hours. My heart goes out to the poor people who have to deal with LA on a regular basis. I mean, 25 miles in two hours? The insanity. We were stuck on this elaborate concrete labyrinth and every route we took was frought with Toyotas and Hondas. Luckily our dash board navigation system helped us find a surface street that shaved 30 minutes off the tail end of the drive. With our spirits bouyed we parked our car in the red light district and made the trek up to Chavez Ravine, home of the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Since it is LA every thing was behind. We were suprised that we only missed the first half of the Foo Fighters performance. I kind of feel bad for the band. You are a grammy winning band and you are playing in front of a half full stadium of people who came to see some old guys sip geritol and play hits from 25 years ago. I did enjoy the three songs that we heard and I didn't feel too bad because I've already seen those guys live.
It was time to start the show. With our $6 dodger dogs in hand we prepared for the grand entrance. Finally the lights dimmed and our experience commenced. I believe that they started off with "Don't Stand". I'm not certain because I was distracted by the gossiping, pot-smoking chicks behind us. There were alot of those kinds of people around. The Police are "in" right now. Being "in" attracts that kind of crowd.
The band played through hit after hit without changing instruments or making stops. Pretty suprising considering their age. They sounded fairly tight and kept the songs basic. I noticed that they changed the key and tempo of many songs. I didn't mind too much but I believe that some nearby purists were upset. Too be honest, I wasn't exceptionally impressed with the new arrangements. Sting still managed to get the crowd to sing the chorus on just about every song.
The concert ended after approximately two hours. Long enough to cover most hits but too short to delve into some of their obscure stuff. My expectations were met. I wasn't expecting to be blown away and I wasn't. But I did enjoy my time and the company. Now I can say that I've seen the Police. I do hope that this is only a one time tour and that they don't milk a few more milllion dollars out of fans for years to come. In my opinion you are only entitled to one "greatest hits" tour. I would feel completely ripped off if they keep touring without any new material. Damn, the Stones, Neil Diamond, and the Eagles for setting such a bad example.




Dude