The first performance

Earlier this year I set the goal to perform live by the end of August. With the self-imposed deadline fast approaching I decided to act. The location? The "Into the Bean" coffee shop just north of the Mesa Community college. The audience? About 20-25 some odd college aged kids present to catch some music, do some homework, and get the latest tips for Dungeons and Dragons. It was open mic night and full of possibility.

I opted to go with two songs. I would lead with my arrangement of the unheralded McCartney classic from the White Album, "Mother Natures Son". That song would fade and lead into one of my own numbers, "i had a dream and it wouldn't end." All in all the mood evoked would be somber and one of loneliness....the feelings that seemed so over powering in my life a year ago.

I had prepared the arrangement about three weeks and practiced it until I could play it blindfolded and in the dark. I even got the vocals to the point where I felt like I could successfully embellish certain lyrics. I was geared up and ready to go. Nothing big, right? Nothing to lose, perform in front of a few anonymous people and be done with it.

I was fine until about twenty minutes leading up to the performance. The kid in front of me did a splendid job with some of his songs and performed with poise and confidence. Meanwhile I was starting a feel some mild trepidation. I had to play the songs with a new guitar- mine didn't have the necessary pickups- and I had never sung into a mic while playing. The amplified vocals would definitely exacerbate any flaws in my singing. I was wavering when my name was called.

I introduced myself and the fact this was my first time doing something like this. The crowd was very understanding and their interest seemed to pique slightly when they heard this fact and saw that my nerves were becoming soft. I took a deep breath and went into the piece.

From the get go, the Beatles song was fraught with miscues. I played the tempo too quick and the vocals were off. I lost a little bit of confidence and lowered my voice, things were lost. Thankfully the song ended and I moved into my song. Things definitely improved as I was far more comfortable with my music then with hacking up an accepted classic. My vocals felt more natural and more emotion was released. I felt slightly better.

All in all the whole thing lasted about 8 minutes. The performance sounded so much worse then the countless times I practiced it in private, I blame that on nerves. I understand the big picture. This was nothing more then a small coffee house and not a spacious concert hall. But I am very glad to have done this and I think that I will do some more. I have overcome the first and most difficult hurdle. The first, and most difficult, step has been taken.

Why Phoenix, why not Prescott?

When I moved to Phoenix some 5 years ago I was plagued with one simple question. Why was this valley founded and settled? It is hot, arid, virtually waterless, and did I say hot? You can drive 40 miles in three directions and be in a perfectly habitable land that is 10 degrees cooler and more suited for living. I don't remember the answer locals give about why Phoenix and not Prescott was settled, something about Indians and the Salt River or something.

The riddle become deeper this past weekend as we made a weekend trip east of town to the Heber-Show Low area. It was a good 20 degrees cooler, verdant, open, and clean. This is the type of place that one could live in. It's odd because most of the state of Arizona is like this. The only place more hot and barren then the Phoenix valley is along the California-Arizona border.

Those Darn Medici's

So I've been reading "The House of the Medici" by Christopher Hibbert. While the book succeeds in taking a lot of the magical intrigue out of the powerful family it does do a good job of burying you in facts and names. In spite of the prosaic writing style I came away with a better sense of the Renaissance, the family, and of that time.

First things first, I was not surprised to see that the same themes that are uncovered when I read about Rome or Constantinople are also present here. Greed, power, and lust have been powerful forces in just about every civilization. I guess human nature is always human nature. This is still the case today although it seems somewhat covered in a shroud of restraint and civility.

Second, the level of corruption that was oozing out of the Vatican was astounding. Positions were bartered as means to buttress the power of certain families. Enemies were mercilessly killed. All of the sins that were so clearly condemned in scripture were being openly violated in front of the public eye. This is especially upsetting given the upcoming movie, "September Dawn" that is using shoddy facts and inclusive circumstantial evidence to paint Brigham Young as a murderous tyrant and the LDS church as cult like. Yes, the episode was horrible but it is irresponsible to draw those conclusions given the information available. I hate being demonized as a church for one episode for which there is no established tie and yet there are so many religions/groups with confirmed skeletons that are leveling these charges. Anyways...

Third, It is absolutely astonishing the this many influential figures came from one region and during one period of time. The list is long and includes names like: Botticelli, Da Vinci, Machiavelli, Michelangelo, Galileo, Donatello, and Brunichelli. It makes you wonder if there were many other equally impressive people in history who are forgotten because they didn't benefit from the incredible Medici PR machine that brought them prominence and immortality.

Something that came to me...

I was in church the other week when a story came to my mind. It seemed like an allegory or fable and was based on some thoughts and feelings that I had regarding certain things taking place in my life. The story definitely sounds familar and I'm sure that its moral has been shared through more effective prose and illustration.


Anyways, here it is.

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfzw7fqm_7f7c2cg

Our own New York Doll

About a year ago Garrett recommended that I watch a documentary called "New York Doll". It chronicled the unlikely journey of Arthur "Killer" Kane from his meteoric rise as the bassist of the New York Dolls to his fall from grace to his life reaching a destitute low to his baptism in the LDS church to his reunion performance with band that was spear headed by Morissey.

Well I finally watched it and was moved. The story was as compelling as anything out there and it was absolutely intriguing to see his new found life as a worker in the LA Temple geneaology center juxtaposed with his hard punk roots.

I am very surprised that this movie didn't get more play in the LDS community. It seemed like is was better received in the Sundance community than in mainstream LDS culture. It's kind of ironic because the culture is always clamoring for the latest rumor that ties together any kind of celebrity with the church, why was this so over looked?

I think we all failed to realize the sheer impact and influence that this band had on just about everything that we grew up listening to from Morrissey to Motley Crue to the Clash. Arthur was more a hero to members of the Rock N Roll community than members of the LDS community.

This is and was a great story. Hopefully everyone will get a chance to watch the show and appreciate his life.

(http://www.newyorkdollmovie.com/)

What shouldn't happen when two men get together

This past weekend I recieved a visit from an old childhood friend, Lennox. Growing up he was known as Robb, his given name. Some where along the way it changed; maybe he has a special affinity for the air conditioner that shares that name, maybe chicks find Lennox more attractive. Anyways, he was spending a few days with me and I had to play the role of host.
So we did the typical things meant to showcase the city. We got dinner at Pizzeria Bianco, the best pizza in America according to the New York Times. We got pistachio gelato. We went swimming. We went to a Diamondbacks games. And we went shopping......wait, what did I just say?
Yes, we spent the better part of Saturday visiting the myriad clothing stores in the valley. We both have vain tastes when it comes to clothing. I would typically abstain from a such a spree but my resolve is weak. We went to the "Last Chance" and sorted through all of that crap in search of a gem. I found a pair of pants that ripped down the seams when I put them on. Robb, err Lennox, found some used Alan Edmunds. Next we went to Kierland and my home away from home, Banana Republic. I found some splendid deals and won that battle. Robb then routed me in all our subsequent stops with purchases ranging from shirts to sun glasses. Heck, all that was missing from this excursion was lunch at a cafe and an afternoon getting our nails done.
Part of me is embarrassed to admit that I like clothes. Part of me is proud that I have taste and don't fall in line with the millions of men that are so poorly dressed in dockers and striped shirts.

Morning addendum

So I recently took my OCA (Oxford Capacity Analysis) or personality testing through the Church of Scientology. Here are a couple of links to give some background on the test. http://www.xenu.net/archive/oca/oca.html http://www.scientology.org/oca.htm

I was called back to review the results with an expert. For the most part I agreed with the test and felt that it adequately expressed how I currently felt about myself. It seemed about as effective as a Myers-Briggs, Birkman, or Kolbe test in terms of measuring ones personality.

We didn't discuss the results long because my expert wanted to dive right in and get me to get involved in several courses. It appears that this test is a gateway into the program and the myriad costs of the program. The church is run very much like a business and you are coaxed into programs with expensive price tags.

Needless to say, I declined her offer. I did appreciate the fact that she wasn't too pushy. She gave me a few reccommendations and left it at that. I have no intentions of becoming an L Ron Hubbard (by the way, his picture was everywhere and his name was on everything) disciple anytime soon. But I did in the very least quench some curiosity that I had about them.

Becoming what?

In church we recently had a lesson regarding change and resolution. I know, you’re thinking what is this theme doing in August? This is the type of discussion reserved for January and misguided goals. But the reality is this is a reality that needs to be faced early and often. There is no way to determine how we are doing relative to our goals unless we are measuring how far we’ve gone and how close we are to attaining them. Alright, enough Tony Robbins. Time to move on.
There was quote that really stuck with me. It reads as follows:

“Life must always be becoming, never being.”

I’ve read it several times and I completely agree with it. It’s what gets me up in the morning. It’s what provides the prodding guilt when I get complacent. It should be the raison d’etre of everyone. Anyone who isn’t moving is falling back. This isn’t new to anyone, so I’ll leave it at that.
The fun and challenging thing is determining what the “becoming” is. I imagine that it is different for everyone and depends on values, tastes, and interests. For me I’ve been able to determine what my “becoming” consists of. There is a little bit of everything. I’ve got the obvious choices that define my character and determine my career trajectory. Then I have the hobbies and worthwhile activities that bring a little additional satisfaction to my well being. All in all, these things comprise the essence of who I am.