Trying to make music

About a year ago I decided that I was going to do two things that were very new to me: write music and write some memoirs. At the time I was going through some difficult challenges and this seemed like the only way that I could truly express myself. Plus it was a whole lot cheaper then working through my issues with someone who was going to charge me $90 an hour.
Since then I have made some great strides forward but I still feel compelled to follow through on what I started. I have some ideas, both musically and through writing, that I want turned into tangible works. I don’t know whether or not there is an audience for these things. I do know that I want to do them for myself and to hopefully complete a chapter of my life.
I have written approximately 17 songs during the past 15 months. Some have reached the point of completion while others are still abstract ideas. I have played some countless times in front of my mirror. Others won’t come to life without the necessary accompaniment. Either way I’ve started something that I want to finish.
Ultimately my goal is to record these songs and eventually perform them live somewhere. Right now my major obstacles are the time constraints of my cousin/producer and the fact that my voice sounds more like a monotone choir boy with hay fever then an artist willing to pour out his guts. My sound, both musically and lyrically, is also still in its nascent stages of development. To the outsider looking in this endeavor sounds more like a pipe dream. Either way, I am going to see this through. Yesterday I spent some time recording music. While the session only yielded two very rough tracks, there were still some magical moments. You know, moments when you start to hear the song performed the way that you hear it in your head. These moments are still few and far between, mainly because we are only able to do this once every other week at the most.
This project wouldn’t mean as much to me if I didn’t feel that I had something to say. If these were just standard songs about the minutiae of live and memories on the farm then I don’t thing that I would feel this drive. For some reason this music, in some regards, represents a critical passage of time in my life. If I don’t record this then I, in essence, lose a valuable page on my scrapbook. Anyways, I am going to plug forward. Shortly I hope to have a few things that I won’t be embarrassed to share. Maybe some of this stuff can resonate with someone. If not, I will be satisfied that I at least put words and music to the impressions of my heart.